168 Hours

I’m listening to a book while I paint at the moment. It’s the type of book that is supposed to help you succeed in life (not my favourite genre). Full disclosure, I’m listening to it as it’s supposed to help me gain re-accreditation for my salaried profession, credits to say I'm still trying to stay relevant and useful in the work-place, which I obviously am.

Why then am I writing about it on my art blog? Because it’s terrifying. Every few months I reflect on my working life and wonder if I'm really spending it right. Am I being a coward by not committing to art full time? Am I missing opportunities to be a better artist and person by not spending more time in my happy place? Hard questions, hard thoughts. About a year ago I had a fork in the road with my salaried job, a sort of safe option to leave, and I didn’t. Why? Security, fear, realisation that my art isn’t yet at a place where I’m going to be able to support myself on it. It made me think about my art and what I want to get out of it, why I do what I do. I love doing commissions, I love drawing and painting things that are special to people because, well, I love people! But I also love painting what I want to paint, getting better on my own terms. 

The exhibition last year was purely my own art, my own voice and my own soul laid bare. There is something very special about being able to do that because I don’t need an income from my art. I’m in a very lucky place where my commitments to other areas are controlled enough that I can earn, look after my family and grow as an artist. I feel privileged to be in that position, I really do. 

But… and here it comes back again. 168 hours. 168 hours in a week, that’s all we get. I spend about 30 hrs a week working, I love to sleep as I'm still catching up from my children’s youth so I spend around 70 hours sleeping. That gives me 68 hours not working or sleeping. How much of that do I actually spend on my art? This week I am again solo-parenting, something which I'm going to spend 5 months of the next 11 doing, so all the house admin, all the childcare, all the dog walking and cooking and driving and clubs… that’s all me. And burnout is something I cannot afford again. 

I know I'm privileged in my position, but I'm also sacrificing. So if you see me posting some art, or hear me talk about a new project, know that it came from a hard place. From snatched time, neglected children, or the wonderful battle of the multitasker. I know I'm far from alone in this, so as a celebration of all of us juggling I would like to say, go us! Well done everyone squeezing every minute out of those 168 hours. We all deserve our applause.